Excerpt of Shackles –
…At this point, Satan was wreaking havoc on my mind, which led me to having suicidal thoughts. He somehow climbed in my head and made me think that my life meant so little that my friends and even my family would be better off without me.
I felt so extremely desperate due to the despair I felt, I thought there was nothing left for me to do but end my life. There were times when I would be driving and an overwhelming urge would hit me to drive my car off the road over a bridge.
My mind would play the pros and cons of suicide within a split second but I was unable to find the courage to follow through with it. Something kept me from doing what I really wanted to do, which was to end it all. I thought with my luck I would end up alive and paralyzed instead of the results I was looking for. So, as these thoughts continued to plague my mind, I thought of a way to end my life in a definite and less gruesome way: an overdose.
I knew I could get my hands on as much drugs as I wanted so I started the planning process and began my preparation to, once and for all, end the despair and anguish I felt every waking moment.
So one night I went into my bedroom, locked the door, sat on my bed, and began writing my goodbye letters. I was like a possessed person. My hand couldn’t keep up with my emotions as I wrote my sad, pitiful, pathetic letters. I was able to put on paper what I was screaming on the inside but did not have the courage to say out loud to anyone.
I explained the feelings of worthlessness, anxiety, anger, resentment, bitterness, self-torment, shame; a victim mentality. I did not feel special or important. Stupidity. Fear. Pity. Every lie that the Devil whispered to me, I wrote it on that paper. He had used me as a punching bag for the last time. I would no longer have to hear his evil little voice in my head. The black cloud and evil force that tormented me was once and for all going to get what it wanted: me.
I felt freer in that little bit of time, purging my emotions on that tear-stained paper than I had in years. It was like a cleansing for me to express my innermost thoughts without anyone judging me by telling me how selfish I was being. I knew that this would be the most selfish act I had ever committed, but the enemy’s voice was so loud I couldn’t hear anything else. I just heard the voices that kept screaming “Do it! Do it! Do it now!”
Can you relate to the same whispers from enemy? Are there lies that you believe that you know are not true but it’s easier to believe a lie than the truth?
Find out what happens in my new book, Shackles, coming out in October. Pre-orders are available now!
Lori Glaze Ministries 