Author: loriglaze

Excerpt from my new book Shackles –

…..”The thought of having to tell anyone was unfathomable after working so hard to bury myself deep inside this exceptionally small box that had become my identity. I wanted more than anything to try and tear down the walls I had built, but I didn’t know how.

As I tried to climb my way over that wall, I started to regain a sense of my old self. I began hanging out with my friends and playing sports again. For the first time in a really long time, I felt like I wanted to move on and try and find a little bit of peace and happiness.

With that, along came a boy–I’ll call him Alexander–who I ended up dating for four years during high school. We started hanging out and passing notes to each other in class and smiling at each other as we passed in the hallway between classes. The innocence between us was refreshing. This is how things should be. I couldn’t believe that this could actually erase…”

Want to read more? Find out what happens in my new book, Shackles, coming out in two weeks!

    Excerpt of Shackles –

…At this point, Satan was wreaking havoc on my mind, which led me to having suicidal thoughts. He somehow climbed in my head and made me think that my life meant so little that my friends and even my family would be better off without me.

     I felt so extremely desperate due to the despair I felt, I thought there was nothing left for me to do but end my life. There were times when I would be driving and an overwhelming urge would hit me to drive my car off the road over a bridge.

     My mind would play the pros and cons of suicide within a split second but I was unable to find the courage to follow through with it. Something kept me from doing what I really wanted to do, which was to end it all. I thought with my luck I would end up alive and paralyzed instead of the results I was looking for. So, as these thoughts continued to plague my mind, I thought of a way to end my life in a definite and less gruesome way: an overdose.

     I knew I could get my hands on as much drugs as I wanted so I started the planning process and began my preparation to, once and for all, end the despair and anguish I felt every waking moment.

     So one night I went into my bedroom, locked the door, sat on my bed, and began writing my goodbye letters. I was like a possessed person. My hand couldn’t keep up with my emotions as I wrote my sad, pitiful, pathetic letters. I was able to put on paper what I was screaming on the inside but did not have the courage to say out loud to anyone.

     I explained the feelings of worthlessness, anxiety, anger, resentment, bitterness, self-torment, shame; a victim mentality. I did not feel special or important. Stupidity. Fear. Pity. Every lie that the Devil whispered to me, I wrote it on that paper. He had used me as a punching bag for the last time. I would no longer have to hear his evil little voice in my head. The black cloud and evil force that tormented me was once and for all going to get what it wanted: me.

     I felt freer in that little bit of time, purging my emotions on that tear-stained paper than I had in years. It was like a cleansing for me to express my innermost thoughts without anyone judging me by telling me how selfish I was being. I knew that this would be the most selfish act I had ever committed, but the enemy’s voice was so loud I couldn’t hear anything else. I just heard the voices that kept screaming “Do it! Do it! Do it now!”

Can you relate to the same whispers from enemy? Are there lies that you believe that you know are not true but it’s easier to believe a lie than the truth?

Find out what happens in my new book, Shackles, coming out in October. Pre-orders are available now!

 Excerpt from Shackles –

For the first time ever in my life I didn’t want to say, “I quit smoking. I quit drinking. Look what I did.” Instead I wanted to say, “Look what the Lord did for me!” I wanted to see how big He could get. I think I kept the Lord in a small box for so long because I was afraid of disappointment yet again. If I prayed for something and it didn’t happen, that meant my faith wasn’t strong enough, right? Wrong. It means it hasn’t happened yet.

I looked at my relationship with Him as, “God is in Heaven, I love Him, and I want to make it to Heaven one day.” That’s it. But after the unveiling started, wow! He got bigger and bigger, and I got more and more excited wondering how much bigger He could possibly get. Let me tell you, friends, He is to this day still amazing me at how big He is!

My whole point in sharing with you all the details of my past and the sins I have committed, every wrong decision, bad luck, twist of fate, whatever you want to label it, is because I have been there! If it could happen, I have probably experienced it. I have just about seen it all, done it all, witnessed it all, smelled it all, felt it all, numbed out to feeling it all, lied about it, snuck around about it, covered it up, etc. . . . You name it; I undoubtedly have been in the same room with it!

I used to be naïve enough to think I was the only one in the world with problems this big. I mean, come on. Give me a break. My problems were so much worse than Anna’s and uglier than Rachel’s. My addictions were stronger than Aly’s. My hatred toward men was by far worse than Ashley’s. My finances were more out of control than Tina’s. My self-image was more lacking than Caitlyn’s. My previous relationships were more chaotic than Sonia’s. My depression was darker than Misty’s. I always felt that I was far worse off than I probably was, and that somehow my problems are what shaped me into the person I am today and that I had to be defined by my circumstances.

Wow, when this hit me, I honestly felt like a ton of bricks hit me on my ignorant little head! How highly did I really regard myself anyway, that my problems and the things I went through were so much worse than anyone else’s? That’s when I heard that familiar little voice in my head say clear as day, “It’s not about you, it’s about Me.” What? “Of course, it’s about me; I’m the one you are trying to fix, Lord. I am the rape victim. I am the victim of drug addiction and alcoholism. I am the victim of horrible finances. I am the victim of depression. I am the victim, Lord.” Of course, I said all these things in my most girlish, please feel sorry for me voice! Then the Lord absolutely blew me away and said, “No Lori, I AM!”   

Talk about bringing someone down a few notches in a hurry! I was absolutely blown away and couldn’t even think for the next several hours. What in the world just happened? Did the Lord really just step on my toes? Was I really rebuked by the King of Kings! I knew I should have worn my steel-toed boots today!

Did I actually have the audacity to complain to the Lord about being a victim and want sympathy for the horrible things that had happened to me? Wasn’t that carrying around the “victim hat” and wearing it when it was convenient? How in the world could the Lord heal all those hurts if I was still complaining and carrying around the handicap label of “victim”? I thought about that for a long while. I wasn’t able to shake the daunting words He’d spoken: I am.  It seemed the more I tried to figure out what the Lord meant by those few words He’d spoken to me, the more I felt ashamed of my victim mentality. So I began to ask God, “What do you want to reveal to me? Lord, I’ll get rid of the ‘victim hat’ and stop the ‘I ams’ if you show me what you meant when you said ‘I am.’” 

Does this sound familiar to you? Are you unknowingly carrying around the victim hat and can’t seem to shake loose? God has designed a plan just for you.

Find out what it is and see how this story turns out in my new book, Shackles, coming out in October 2019.

Excerpt from Shackles–

I, like many people, was deceived by thinking that just because God was in my heart that the devil didn’t occasionally have my ear.  And to be honest, having my heart dedicated to Jesus but lending my ears to the devil is a definite way to live in complete confusion and chaos, and that is not what the Lord wants for our lives.

I wanted more than anything to be free of the emotional baggage I had carried around, but the enemy masked his existence in my life just as soon I would start to uncover his ploys.  This was an exhausting way to live. 

The Lord revealed to me one night at a prayer meeting that I had unknowingly allowed the devil to continue his antics because I had not uncovered the hidden sins in my life: bitterness, pride, victim mentality, anger and rage. This was not a fun realization to have. 

I couldn’t quite comprehend this concept because I was a saved, sanctified Christian of several years and was trying to live right. But I was walking around in so much confusion because the devil masked his existence in ways that made me think that his thoughts were actually my thoughts. The devil then made me think that this was a normal and acceptable way to live. Boy oh boy, he is such a deceiver!

I was deceived into thinking that these spirits were my personality traits and not the enemy’s ploy to continue robbing me of my complete freedom.  I had carried them around so long that I didn’t even realize they had become who I was and how I identified myself. 

Then the Lord revealed to me that it was time to uncover the enemy and shine a light on what the devil had tried to keep hidden.  He showed me that I had made friends with bitterness, pride, victim mentality, anger, and rage and it was time to take back what the enemy had stolen from me! 

God calls us to live in freedom, so let’s take the necessary steps to take back what the enemy has stolen from us. Did you know that once you uncover what the enemy wants to keep hidden, then God can start his restoration process with you? The first step to this is asking yourself the following questions:

What are the things in your life that you want to be free from?

Why is the enemy so terrified of you exposing him?

Are you ready to start the process of evicting the enemy from your life?

I dive into the process of uncovering the enemy in our lives in much greater detail in my new book, Shackles, (coming October-2019), along with what to expect from the Lord once this process begins.

I would love to hear your thoughts, so please leave a comment below.

“I once was lost, but now I’m found” has a new meaning to me.  I remember so clearly after being away from the Lord and finding my way back to Him hearing a song by Mary Mary called, Shackles.  I didn’t typically listen to Christian music, but this song sounded different. The beat was obviously good, but it was the lyrics that seemed to penetrate my soul.

The more I listened to the song, the more I felt my convictions rise up. This was a double-edged sword for me. I felt the Lord calling me back to Him; however, I wasn’t sure about giving up my miserable life that I had grown so comfortable with to live a life my heart was longing for.

I couldn’t stop listening to this song. These words played over and over again:

“In the corners of my mind
I just can’t seem to find a reason to believe

That I can break free
‘Cause you see I have been down for so long
Feel like the hope is gone
But as I lift my hands, I understand
That I should praise you through my circumstance

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance.”

Boy, oh boy, it had been quite some time since I felt like putting on my dancing shoes. Yet this song seemed to shake loose everything I felt was holding me back in the cesspool of vomit I was living in. This song was my introduction to giving my life back to the Lord.

A few years later, after feeling a lot of conviction, I finally gave up the spiritual fight and decided to rededicate my life to the Lord. After doing so, He immediately began speaking to me about writing. Let me just inform you that I hated writing. It was extremely difficult for me to put on paper what I was thinking or what I was feeling on the inside. But I followed His prompting and asked him what I should write about. He responded by telling me…

To see what the Lord did for me and what he wants to do for you, purchase Shackles to finish the story.

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